The Akatsuki are in my Living room
by TwistedShinigamiSisters
Summary: Look,don't believe what Sam and Alex tell you. Honestly, I didn't mean to bring the Akatsuki to our college loft. Honestly! I only wanted to sing the jingle and then they fell through the roof. It was an accident! Swear On Itachi's life!  Rated T
1. Prolouge

Three college freshmen, two girls and one boy, were sitting on a long black leather sofa in the loft they all shared.

"Oh, Sam-kun! After this stupid show can we watch House? Please oh please?" A girl with shaggy black hair,nudged the boy in his back, "PLEEEEASSE! ALL THIS DANCING IS STUPID!"

"Yeah,yeah." The boy replied,never looking away from his show. "We'll change the channel."

The other girl hit her head, "Every time she picks the show something stupid happens."

"Nu huh!"

"Uh huh! And for some unholy reason I feel like this time she's gonna end up killing us all this time."

The other girl flipped her off and the boy didn't even respond. She sighed and went back to watch America's Best Dance Crew.

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Meanwhile on another side of the universe in a dimension far far away, the ninja group known as the Akatsuki began an absolutely necessary staff meeting.

"Alright. I have called this meeting to announce some things." Pain glanced around and looked at all the Akatsuki, "We've got to fix this failure we call a jinchurriki hunt."

"Failure? I don't think we've failed too badly Leader." Kisame piped up,earning him a spiteful glare from Deidara's visible eye.

"That's because you haven't died yet,hmm."

"The fuckin bitch is right! This whole hunt's been a load of pure shit!"

Hidan smirked and Deidara threw a kunai right at him,which landed right in his pupil.

"Bulls eye."

"BULL SHIT'S MORE LIKE IT! JASHIN DAMN IT!"

"Hidan,shut up and listen for Kami's sake."

"KAMIS? THERES ONLY JASHIN YOU BUNCH OF MOTHER FUCKIN HEATHENS AND HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL ME TO CALM THE HELL DOWN WHEN THAT GIRL WHORE OVER THERE JUST THREW A KUNAI AT MY FUCKING FACE-"

Hidan's rant was cut short by the sound of Kakuzu's threads tearing into the immortal's body and the rest of Akatsuki faced their leader.

"So,I'm pretty sure all formerly deceased or incapacitated Akatsuki think that this whole hunts just been one big failure but…Leader-sama." Itachi faced Pain with a skeptical look, "What exactly do you intend on doing about it?"

Pain smiled, "Simple. Time travel…..We go back in time, don't fall for any of Konoha's obvious trick." He sent a smirking look at Kakuzu who lunged for his throat. He side stepped him and went back to his speech, " And just start recollecting the jinchurriki."

"Isn't that against so many basic laws of nature though?"

"Shut up Sasori,I'm a god any can do any goddamn thing I want to."

"Uh huh. You keep thinking that."

To prove his point even futher, he decided that now would be an appropriate time to send Sasori flying through a wall with only his mind.

"Anybody else want to imply that I'm crazy?"

Wordless headshakes came from every S-ranked criminal there and Pain smirked.

"Good. Now you have ten minutes to prepare. After that,we're leaving. Meeting dismissed."


	2. Falling

**A/N:Hey all people from Social Torture,if you're reading this then congrats,you'll get a special treat if you red this and review it...:3 and who doesn't like treats? But anywaysm this is my first story with actually cussing in it so tell me in someone's cuss out phrase doesn't sound exactly right..or suggest me new cursing phrases (i'll be needing them since school is starting again). And just so people know,this is NinjaPrincessHaruka's writing(I'm her right now) andicrazy3477 is my loyal editor and best bud.**

**So, as usual people R&R,comment,check out our other profiles and stories and give us ideas!**

**Later! and thanks for reading!**

**From ninjaprincess-8-2-2011...1:03 am!**

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><p><strong>Back in Chicago<strong>

**Alex**

Let me say one thing about all this. IT WAS NOT MY FAULT! Nobody went and told Aiden to sing that dumbass jingle and have people falling through our roof. Now I gotta pay for the roof and deal with these extra idiots?

Hell no! That did not come in the job description for being Aiden Gamble's friend.

No way.

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I was sitting on the sofa, fighting with the girl who claimed to be my best friend when it happened.

"AIDEN GIVE ME THE DAMN REMOTE! SAM SAID YOU COULD WATCH SOMETHING AGE APPROPRIATE WHILE HE WENT TO GO GET THE MAIL!"

"SPONGEBOB IS AGE APPROPRIATE. IT'S MEANT FOR PEOPLE SEVEN AND OLDER YOU WHORE! NOW GIMME!"

I tugged harder at the remote and shoved the soles of my seven year old Converse into her side and yanked the remote away from her. She fell on the sofa moaning and clutching her side.

"Aleeeeeeex! You meanie! My piercings are still sore!"

"Piercings? What piercings?"

"I got a corset piercing on my side! See?" She held up the side of her shirt, revealing a set of piercings forming a corset tie on her yellowish skin. I was sorta weirded out and jealous at the same time.

"Aiden put your shirt down. You have nothing there that anyone…..and I mean ANYONE would want to see."

Sam's voice came from the doorway where he was dropping his set of keys on the table before coming over to us, "God, Aiden…what is that? Jeez, I thought all Catholics believed that their body was a temple and that you shouldn't do stuff like that...that…to it."

"Most do, but remember. This is Aiden we're talking about here."

"Oh yeah. Right."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCHES!"

Sam sniggered loudly and turned to the TV, "Now what exactly are we watching here?"

"I was trying to watch SpongeBob but little Miss Prick over there just killed that dream."

"You're 19…act like it!" I turned to the blonde, "Naruto's on. We can watch that."

Sam's face got a look on it and I rolled my eyes. Seriously, he could be so irritable when it came to watching anime.

"Sam, just deal with it." I ignored his hand gesture and turned to Aiden, "You in?"

"ZOMG TOOOOOOOOOOOOTALLY!"

She flopped onto the sofa, squeezing her Itachi plushie as Sam and I stared at her hyperactive goth self.

"There's something wrong with you."

"There's something wrong with you too."

"How so?"

"You're a whore!"

She giggled evilly and Sam had to pull me back from kicking her in her newly pierced sides.

"Alex…stop!"

"Hey, the State farm commercial's on!" Aiden looked at me with hopeful eyes, "It's the one with the panda bear. Do you think that-"

"No….Aiden, we've been over this twenty times. Just because you sing that song and say a human panda bear, L Lawliet will not appear." Sam's voice was tired as he cut off her question and dragged me about ten feet away.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT AND YOU KNOW BETTER THSN TO SAY L'S WHOLE NAME! KIRA MIGHT GET HIM!"

The looks Sam and I shared after that was one of the most self-pitying looks we've ever given each other. I could see the thoughts floating in his mind. They were 'What the fuckk is wrong with her today?' and 'Remind me why I deal with her insanity sometimes.' and personal favorite, 'Why did I did I let her eat that sugar today?'

We shook our heads and just stared at her for a minute longer as she stared at us. I sucked in a deep breath and as much as it hurt me on the inside, I decided to be the bigger person and not stoop to her childish antics

"You know what Aiden? Knock yourself out with that State Farm idea. Knock yourself the fuck out with it. I'm going to make a sandwich real quick. You want one Sam?"

He nodded, knowing that I only wanted to escape the wrath of Aiden's current sugar high, "Fuck yes!"

We ran out the living room and into the kitchen, leaning on the countertops as we enjoyed the clean silence of the kitchen.

"What is wrong with her today?"

"She actually went to bed and she had pure sugar for breakfast today." Sam didn't look up as he began to make a the tallest sandwich I'd ever seen, "You shoulda just let her watch SpongeBob. Then she would've shut up."

"So this is my fault? YOU THINK THIS WHOLE FUCKIN DEAL IS MY FAULT? YOU CAN JUST GO TO MOTHERFUCKIN HELL YOU BASTARD. IT'S NOT MY GODDAMn FAULT SHE ACTS LIKE THIS SOMETIMES SHITHEAD AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!"

"Calm down! God, I only meant that if you let her watch the damn kiddie show she might've shut up. You're being overly defensive."

I glared at him and he smirked, giving me one of his classic 'I'm more superior looks' and I flipped him off. He rolled his eyes, biting into his sandwich. At that exact moment there was a loud crash and dust filled the house. I shot a glance in fear at Sam who had his sandwich in mid-bite and was looking in horror at me. He dropped it on the counter and followed me as I ran back to the living room.

"What….did Aiden do?"

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**Aiden**

Hello there. My name's Aiden Gamble, resident Gothic Lolita of this mis-mosh college loft I call a home complete with my pish-posh roomies/friends. Now, something important: No matter what anyone tells you, I most certainly did not purposely bring a class of S-ranked shinobi from a manga into our place, no matter how hot a few of them might be.(The members in question know who I'm talking about.) I really didn't but that jingle was so damn catchy and well my other ideas weren't working and I tried a new ideas and there they were.

Total accident right!

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"You know what Aiden? Knock yourself out with that State Farm idea. Knock yourself the fuck out with it. I'm going to make a sandwich real quick. You want one Sam?"

Alex's face looked as though she had just swallowed a whale along with most of her pride and she walked off with Sam in close tow. I sighed, and nestled into the black sofa cushions and paused the commercial. I stared at the girl holding the panda bear and clutched my fist in determination.

"I will get this State Farm thing to work. Even if it the last goddamn thing I do!" I sat up and began to sing, "Like a good neighbor State Farm is there….with a human panda bear!"

I snapped my fingers and braced myself for the impact of L falling on my body. I clenched my eyes shut and dug my face into the sofa cushions of the couch and waited. And waited. And waited.

"Okay…maybe that was too broad." I sat back up, "Maybe I need to be specific about who I want. Okay! I got this! Let's do it again! Like a good neighbor State Farm is there….with L-sama!" I snapped my fingers again and resumed my former position and waited….and waited…and waited…..and waited. Again, no luck.

"Maybe Sam was right and the State Farm jingle really is just a clever way to advertise quick and convenient car insurance assistance." My face fell and I was ready to climb into the emo hole and die until I saw my Itachi plushie, "Or maybe Death Note isn't associated with State Farm. Maybe Naruto is! Okay! Aiden! Third times the charm! Like a good neighbor State Farm is there….WITH THE AKATSUKI!" I snapped my fingers, but didn't bother to take my defensive position this time.

Which was too bad because this time the whole Akatsuki crew fell right through the living room roof and onto me.

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**Sam**

See, when we moved up in this loft together I thought I'd get some peace and quiet and some good times with my friends. And normally we do get some relative peace and quiet. (I say relative because, nobody in this house actually is the dictionary definition of normal so we don't know what normal is exactly.) But every so often someone in this house does something stupid. Okay wait let me just cut the shit out of that lie and just tell it like it is. _Aiden_ does something so incredibly stupid that it just disrupts whatever kind of normal schedule and life Alex and I were trying to have and just sends it up like a shack in a hurricane.

Like this whole situation….

(and just for the record…I DON'T CARE WHAT AIDEN SAYS…..THIS WHOLE DAMN THING IS HER FUCKING FAULT!)

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Alex and I ran into the living room, expecting to see Aiden sitting on the sofa with another bomb in her hand, ready to blow up the house. Instead we find a hole in the roof, a mass of red and black cloaks and Aiden was nowhere to be found. I placed a hand to my temples and rubbed them slightly. Alex went over to the pile and began to nudge it with her foot.

"Uh….hello? Anybody home?"

"GET YOU FOOT OUT OF MY FUCKIN FACE YOU ASSHOLE!"

"HIDAN SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU'RE SCREAMING IN MY EAR!"

"Tobi hurts Deidara-senpai."

"Kami's Kisame, get that sword out of my face!"

Alex looked at me and I saw her face go a bit slack jawed as Hidan pulled himself off the very tip of the pile. He stared at Alex.

"Oi, Kakuzu! Who the hell's this bitch?"

Alex's eye was twitching and I could tell that she wanted to punt Hidan into Canada.

"What bitch?" Kakuzu's voice became clearer as other Akatsuki began to pull themselves up and dust themselves off, "Oh….that one."

"WHAT THE FUCK MAN! YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL I AM YOU AND YOU GO OFF MAKING COMMENTS LIKE THAT? YOU DIPSHIT!"

"DIPSHIT YOU SKANK! DO YOU KNOW WHO THE MOTHERFUCKIN HELL I AM?"

"YEAH I FUCKIN DO! YOU'RE NAME'S ASSWIPE!"

Kakuzu and Kisame sniggered loudly and Hidan glared at Alex, "Whore, say that again…..I'll kill you're ass dead."

I covered Alex's mouth before she could say another word and frowned; normally it was Aiden who did that kind of stuff.

"Alex…..be quiet…..you could just get us all killed." I glanced around, "Where's your leader?"

"Over there, yeah." Deidara pointed over to a orange haired man dusting himself off. The other Akatsuki flocked to him and I pulled Alex aside.

"What….are they doing here!" I hissed, my eyes still on the group of apparent ninjas, "And more importantly….where's Aiden!"

"Don't look at me. I don't have all the answers."

"Some help you are."

She punched me in the arm and my slight groan of pain turned the Akatsuki back to us and Pain stepped forward.

"I am Pain."

"Yeah...yeah we know dude. Don't care…..now what we do care about is where our friend went." Alex went over and began shifting Akatsuki members out of their standing positions and looking behind them, "See, Aiden is not a person you want to freak out like this. She won't take it too well."

"Wait, you know who I am?" Pain's voice was surprised as he sent a look at me, "Okay, well where are we….it seems my jutsu misfired."

"Misfired's an understatement."

Itachi's mutter came out from the back and Pain sent over a death glare that obviously implied being sent through a wall.

"Hey, you can't be sending people through my walls, this roofs already gonna cost me a fortune in repairs."

"Finally, someone who understands my pain."

"FOUND YOU!" Alex's shriek of discovery stopped Kakuzu's empathy short as she pulled Aiden out from under the feet of Tobi. She was holding her side and moaning loudly. Pain sighed and held his hand to his head, obviously trying to think.

"My…piercings….hurt….so much."

"Enough with the piercings….can you explain to me and Sam why the Akatsuki are in my living room?"

"AND WHY THERE'S A HOLE IN THE ROOF?"

"That's obviously were the fell stupid. And hey, not cool man, why are you accusing me or sending the Akatsuki are in the living room."

"You're stupid enough to do something like that."

"Am not."

"Are so."

"Am not"

"Are so."

"Am not"

"Congrats Hidan, for once you didn't fuck everything up. Must be a record."

Hidan growled and tackled Kakuzu to the floor, stabbing him demonically while the other Akatsuki chatted and the girls kept arguing. My eye was beginning to twitch off my face and obviously Pain was trying to not Rinnegan the two fighting onto the floor into oblivion as he tried to focus.

"SHUT UP!" Pain and I screamed at together silencing the arguing girls and the chattering Akatsuki. He looked at me and I nodded at him, both of us expressing the same thing in our eyes.

This is gonna be a lot of work handling these two groups.

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><p><strong>AN:Uh,yeah...The statefarm thing...don't ask me what I was thinking when I came up with THAT idea. But it's here and actually I kinda like the idea. Maybe it'll work in real life*goes off does it and sulks back*..No all I got was stupid Bob Barker! I wanted Itachi!**

**A/N 2: By the way,I just feel as though you should know, I(ninjaprincess) am Aiden and icrazy3477 is Alex. Our male roomie,if he can be considered male at all, Sam,is a former fanfiction nerd whose profile is under toolazytofini...just in case you were wondering... So, i hope you enjoyed this chapter and hopefully more is on the way along with any one shot ideas I get or am asked to write. So,if you got a oneshot idea,message me here or review me somewhere and I'll see what I can do...**

**Later! And don't foret to R&R!**


	3. Religous Issues

**So,this is more of My retarted fanfic...Enjoy!**

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><p>Pain's P.O.V<p>

The tall blonde known as Sam looked at me and sighed, "Okay, let's all just sit down and we can discuss this like normal people."

"The sofa's fuckin broken dude. And nobody here fits the dictionary definition of 'normal'. Just saying."

"Aiden, you what you can say? 'Sam, I'm going to sit down and shut the h**l up because I know that if I don't you will pull out every inch of my hair.' Now, shut up and sit the fuck down."

The girl known as Aiden waved her middle finger at him, but sat on the dented leather couch. The other girl placed her hand to her temples and groaned.

"I know…I just _know_ Aiden had something to do with this, This reeks of Aiden's 'I'm bored so I'm going to fuck with the ways of daily life to entertain myself' stench."

"OH. You have to deal with that too?" Sasori glared at Deidara, "So, I'm not the only one."

"Shut up, un."

"Make me you blonde twat."

Deidara lunged at Sasori but I stepped in-between the two, Rinnegan set on full force.

"You two. Sit down. Shut the fuck up. Do something like that again, I send you flying out of this building. Got it?"

They both nodded, sending each other one last glare before going to where they sat. I turned to Sam.

"Obviously, you're in charge here. So I'll ask you my questions. Where are we?"

"Waaaait! Sam? In charge? That asswipe?" Aiden and the other girl started laughing hysterically, "Oh if you only knew how wrong you are."

"Aiden, shut up before I rip out those new piercings. Alex, sit down and shut the fuck up before I decide to loop a Justin Beiber playlist onto your iPod." They shut up and Sam turned to me, "As for you, you're in the place called…_America._"

"Before you make an 'OMG AMERICA RULES' comment, lettme tell ya, America's not that goddamn great." Aiden's voice was irritated, "But hold up Sam, before you go on, I'm not really sure these guys are true Akatsuki."

He stared at her, "Aiden…we have a HALF SHARK SITTING IN OUR LIVING ROOM! I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S KISAME!"

Kisame looked miffed, "Why you gotta use me as an example man? Zetsu's just as odd looking as me."

Aiden waved away both their comments, "They can't be. Itachi's not nearly sexy enough."

Itachi just stared at the teenager, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Something's off about this Itachi person here. He's not sexy sexy enough to be the real Itachi."

Pain heard a muffled growl come from the angry raven and he shook his head.

"Prove that we're not Akatsuki."

She nodded and he thought he saw a slight glimmer of triumph come into her eyes as she stood up.

"You got it!" She ran off and Alex shook her head.

"Dear Jashin….don't tell me she's bringing out the fandom stuff."

"What-DID SHE JUST SAY DEAR JASHIN? YOU MEAN TO TELL ME SHE'S A JASHINIST TOO!"Hidan ran over to Alex, throwing a very angry Kisame out of the spot next to her, "Jashin-sama has blessed me with a fellow dealer of pain and death."

Alex looked a little shocked, "Uh…well…I…..Jashin…aw hell let's just go with I'm a Jashinist."

Konan snorted, "Hidan…when will you realize that Pain is God? I've tried to tell you so many times."

"B**CH THAT MAN IS NOT A F**CKIN GOD SO QUIT TRYING TO CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE!"

"Ah-hem….don't mean to be rude….but has anyone here every just thought that maybe. God was God?" Sam's cool voice inserted itself into the Konan-Hidan rant and they both stared at him, "Yeah…that's right! I'm a Christian! Sue me!"

Alex snorted, "So is Aiden, but look at her."

"Dear God, Aiden..._AIDEN_! Is the worst possible Christian on the face of the Earth!"

Kisame stared at Sam, "What is this Christian of which you speak of?"

"It is a religion that believes in the birth, life, death and rebirth of God's son Jesus Christ." Sam handed him a pamphlet, "Read that."

Kisame began to flip through it, interest building and everyone just stared at Sam, who stared back.

"What?"

"YOU CARRY THOSE FUCKIN PAMPLETS AROUND! I THOUGHT I…ER-YOU GOT RID OF THEM ALL?"

He smirked, "That's what you thought."

"HEY HEY HEY! THESE PEOPLE BELIEVE IN A LIFE AFTER DEATH!" Kisame pointed a blue finger at the end of the pamphlet. "That's friggen awesome!"

Sasori plucked the packet away from Kisame and began to read it, "Huh….this is quite fascinating. It seems this Jesus person died on the cross for everyone's sins."

Kakuzu looked confused, "Now why in the hell would someone do something like that?"

"NOBODY WOULD FUCKIN DO THAT!"

"Hidan, shut up…Jesus did it okay…"

"Yeah….Pain's God." Pain blushed as Konan gestured to him. Hidan and Sam rolled their eyes.

"JASHIN!"

"GOD!"

"PAIN!"

"JASHIN! ALEX BACK ME THE HELL UP HERE!"

"GOD!"

"PAIN!"

"JAS-" A loud band interrupted Hidan's next Jashin scream and the next thing Pain knew was Alex was covered in Hidan's guts and she was wiping blood out of her eyes. Smoke came from the doorway and everyone turned towards it to find Aiden standing in the doorway holding a smoking object that none of the Akatsuki could recognize. Alex and Sam obviously did though and they were in shock.

"Aiden….shotgun? YOU SHOT HIDAN WITH A GODDAMN SHOTGUN! YOU FUCKING SHOT HIM!"

She held down the smoking weapon and looked at Sam, "What? I wasn't convinced he was Hidan and quite frankly, I'm still not."

She dropped the gun and pulled out a smaller silver weapon out of her pocket and shot him six more times, causing holes that poured out blood to appear in his chest. Alex snatched the weapon from her and glared at her while Hidan collected his innards.

"YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE! YOU KNEW IT WAS THE REAL HIDAN AND YOU JUST WANTED TO SHOOT HIM DIDN'T YOU?"

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe!." She smirked, "Yeah..I just wanted to shoot him a few times. By the way, Itachi you are quite sexy….I didn't mean what I said before."

Itachi nodded and Alex continued to wipe blood off her face and the doorbell rang. Sam looked confused.

"We shouldn't have any company…it's almost midnight."

"OH, that was me. I ordered late night Chinese." She dropped her silver weapon and dug into Sam's pockets, dragging out his wallet and taking out a few bills before walking over to the door. Sam snatched his wallet back and Aiden came back stuffing her face with sweet and sour chicken causing Sam and Alex to glare at her.

"What?"

"None for us?"

She stopped in mid bite and looked at the two, "You guys wanted something? I thought you'd already had a sandwich."

Sam's eye twitched and Pain smiled slightly to himself; this was like so many nights in the Akatsuki base.

"We were making sandwiches until we heard the Akatsuki crash through our roof."

"SO NO AIDEN! WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY SANWICHES!"

She shrugged, "Not my fault bro." She kept eating and then frowned, swallowing her food, "Hey…it's pretty late…..where are these guys gonna sleep?

Sam and Alex frowned with her, "Hmm….good question. Better question is….what are they going to wear?"

"Best question: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO WEAR?"

Sam stared at Alex and she shrugged, "What? I'm just saying…I'm not going around Itachi here wearing some raggedy old clothes now."

Aiden nodded in agreement, "I wholeheartedly agree. Besides…..I have clothes the Akatsuki can wear. Konan…you're about Alex's size, you can share with her. Deidara, Itachi, Sasori….you can all probably fit into Sam's clothes and the rest of you….here…."She ran into the back and came back carrying an arm load of clothes and blankets. "Put these on, make a pallet either in here or in the extra bedroom or on Sam's floor, and shut up and go the fuck asleep…..I'm out."

She headed out towards the back and Alex and Sam handed the others their clothes, "Yeah…..we're out too…see ya…"

"WAIT? WHY MY ROOM!" Sam went running after Aiden and Alex rolled her eyes and followed, leaving a shocked Akatsuki behind her.

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><p><strong>Hidan was shot with a shotgun and a desert Eagle...just incase you wanted to know<strong>


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